There’s a lot of excitement that comes with making an international move: booking the flight, confirming the details of the program or job offer, and the thoughts of living in another part of the world. People spend time packing their bags, saying farewell to friends and family, and planning for their studies or new job.
One thing that is easy to overlook is the importance of preparing to live in a new culture. I went through this when I lived in Germany for a year.
The background
I spent a year of high school as an exchange student in Bad Salzuflen, a small town in Nordrhein-Westfalen. It was a short train ride away from Bielefeld, the closest city and about an hour away from Hannover by train.
I arrived on August 1st, 2000, and I was there until July 11th 2001. During that time I lived with three different host families and went to high school where I was one of only foreigners. As a way of integrating and getting to know others, I played bass in the orchestra and sang (rather badly) in the chorus.
I did have an orientation with the program that prepared me, but I still found that there were things that I experienced and learned from after I had arrived.
What were some of the differences?
There were a few things that I noticed right away. Things ran on a schedule, and it was important to stick to it. My first host family made an arrangement for me to be picked up for orchestra rehearsal since it happened in the evening and there weren’t buses running then. One time I was a few minutes late to the pickup point. This was before having cell phones was common, and after waiting for about 10 minutes I concluded they weren’t coming. My host mom was surprised to see me back home, and I explained what happened. She told me that when I wasn’t there on time they had left without me. She went on to say that when you agree to a time in Germany it’s expected that you’re there at the exact time you agreed to.
Another thing that was different was that people communicate very directly with each other. When I first started living with one of my host families, they had a conversation with me about the condition I was leaving the shower in. I appreciated the direct communication, and it helped me to know what I needed to do differently.
One of the challenges that I faced was when that direct communication resulted in raised voices or yelling. While it was quite common to see people communicate in that way during disagreements or when they were angry, it was something I wasn’t used to. I saw it happen with people getting into political debates and also experienced it firsthand with the father of one of my host families when I wasn’t living up to his expectations.
My perspective
How I viewed each of these situations was influenced by the culture I grew up in as well as my personal beliefs.
In the case of arriving late and missing my ride, I wasn’t paying such close attention to the time. I’m normally a very punctual person, and I didn’t think that being a few minutes late once would matter. In the United States I feel that there’s some flexibility to be late from time to time as long as it’s not a pattern. As I leaned, it was important that I arrive on time to show respect for others, especially when they were doing me a favor.
When I think about direct communication, it was something that I found really valuable. There were some things that I simply didn’t learn growing up, and things like table manners are different in Germany. Having host families that were willing to directly communicate with me (without making me feel bad) went a long way with helping me adapt. I feel like direct communication in the United States depended on the situation.
I really struggled when faced with raised voices and yelling. When I observed it in others during political disagreements, it felt like they lacked emotional control and they thought that raising their voice would make them right. When I was being yelled at, it activated made me feel scared and frozen. It would have been one thing if it were in a language that I fully understood, but trying to defend myself in German was a challenge. Based on my culture, yelling wasn’t the way to communicate.
An Opportunity
If you’re planning to study in another country, it’s important to be prepared so that you can make a smooth transition to your new culture.
On Tuesday June 9th at 7:30 PM I’m offering a cultural adjustment webinar.
We will discuss:
- Common stereotypes about Americans and living in the United States and how true they are
- Key cultural differences between Chile and the United States
- Important steps you should take to be prepared
There will also be a Q and A at the end.
You can register by clicking here.
Have you had similar experiences living in Germany or another country? If so, feel free to leave a comment below.
